I hoped that after all this years I would be living a nice, quiet life; And to a degree – I am. However, I haven’t been able to totally leave the past in the past. Little things, like a picture on TV, a scene outside, an object… Sometimes the ghosts of the past come back, sometimes stronger than ever. It’s then that I have to really work on keeping myself together. It’s a setback, which is very confusing and disruptive. If you are not prepared for it, it can take you back down, to the very bottom.
When working on your mental state, from the very beginning, you must clear your environment of all negative elements contributing to your depression and uncertainty. It is difficult, and often means relocation and cutting contacts with whoever, or whatever you know. It happens that your closest, environment, the one that you consider safe and friendly, is the toxic one and poisons you regularly, without you even realising it. That often happens in so called toxic relationship, where the dominant person controls every aspect of your life, making you think that this is exactly how you should live your life and any deviation from the “master’s” plan is unforgivable.
A different source of “in-house contamination” could be the people that are even closer to you than your partner/spouse. Yes, I’m talking about your own parents. While some parents might be deliberately nasty and overly strict, most of the parents are simply trying to implement simple rules that are considered normal and educational. These seem particularly “cruel” to a significant number of teenagers worldwide. Young adolescents are usually very energetic and they go through a phase of “experimental developments”, which often result in conflict with parents or/and authorities. The outcome of this phase hugely depends on family and environmental settings. Other elements, such as personality, demeanour etc. add to the picture, but the role of family and environment is crucial in preparation for the outcome.
Many people move on in life, trying to forget bad things from childhood and teenage years. Usually, things are not significant enough, or just simply understood as the time goes by. That is, when the “bad things” are recognised as simply child upbringing and are the part of being reasonably strict. That is not so, when it comes to abuse.
Childhood trauma is never forgotten. It might subside, but there is always a danger of a trigger that will bring back those bad memories from long time ago – FLASHBACKS. Those are very different from ordinary memories suddenly retrieved and discussed with your friends or closest ones. Flashback is a sort of memory that will stop you breathing and will send you you to your knees. When you encounter the trigger, you will feel overwhelmed to the highest degree. You might ask yourself “how could I ever forget that?”. Well, you didn’t really. It was always in your head, your brain masked your bad experience, to help you heal. Flashback hits you when you least expect it.
The trauma acquired in later life, as a result of toxic relationship, is very rarely “hidden” from other thoughts. People consciously working on subsiding bad memories, often with a professional help. These are a little more difficult to control, as there are many triggers in every day life to remind you of how it was then. Yet it is much easier to go over them in relation to childhood “forgotten” traumas.
The positive self-talk is good, but it’s very difficult to get through to yourself just by repeating the sentences. The damage came from the outside, and it’s the outside that should have an impact on the “switch”. At least in the first stage of the recovery. Once a person gets the jump start to positive thinking, it will still take a while to adjust to new life view. The affected person is not going to suddenly value themselves, while still fearing the outsiders. One wrong reaction from anyone, and the whole hard work can be reset to ground zero. It is very important that a person is not alone and their environment is discreetly controlled by someone trusted by them. The flashbacks might occur at any moment, when you don’t expect them to show up at all.
Many of my own memories are hidden away. Occasionally, my brain lets them out (one at the time). It is like my head knew that I am more less ready to remember. It happens after I experience a trigger, which unlocks something that I cannot believe that I had no memory of. It results in pain and tears, but now, as I am older and wiser, I am taking it in differently. The fact that I used a lot of self-help is definitely a huge contribution to my reactions and dealing with “newly discovered” facts. That’s why I am urging you to take time and use available help as soon as you feel down.
Comments