Despite all the crap happening around me, I was always trying to stay positive. Not that I was following some psychological advice. I did everything to be different from surrounding me environment, full of despair, hate, jealousy, spitefulness and bitterness. I needed some light in my life. My personality was always cheerful. Regardless how sad I was inside, I never had a problem to bring the biggest smile onto my face. I got so good at masking my real feelings that as an adult, I was (and still often am) being accused of not taking things seriously and taking the life too lightly. I try to never show how disappointed or hurt I am, simply because when I was complaining about something in the past, I was told that I am exaggerating, and I am just an attention seeker. Till today, I am afraid of talking about myself, when I need to talk about problems. I prefer to talk about good things, or not to talk at all,if there is nothing good to tell. Maybe that’s why I prefer to spend my time with animals rather than people. At lest they don’t ask difficult questions and sooth your soul when you need them.
Funny thing with animals. They literally feel your mood. When I am down, my dogs appear out of nowhere and cuddle me until I’m better. I don’t call them, they just know. Not that this is the only time when they give me affection. It’s just… it feels different in the moments like that. People don’t have that gift and before they offer any help (if they do at all) they tend to scrutinise you before hand.
I know, you guys are probably going to say that I don’t know people at all. I do. I generalise my statement about people’s callousness, because most of them are such. Too careful, suspicious… you name it. Although I did meet a few truly honest people that have more less the same agenda and world view as me. However, such people are hardly appreciated in society. Most likely, they are going to be used and their goodness abused by those, who have no respect for others.
But I was going to talk about good times. WOW. Believe or not, I am a bit stuck with words right now… I can’t believe that I can’t bring happy memories to my head easily… I am talking here about my childhood years. As an adult, I managed to bring some happy moments onto myself. Back then though, you were expecting to “receive” them rather than “creating” them. My happy moments were times spent with my grandparents. No judgement, good advice and most of all – peace and quiet. Extreme patience and a calming oasis when I needed it. Always! Some fantastic times with some of the good kids. Definitely time spent with my dogs. Long walks to the forest, time spent in country side and learning village life… It was so fascinating. In the school, some of my teachers were great. Understanding and thoughtful.
Not much of happy times, but I do have some moments to remember. After euphoria, I was back to reality, which made all the cheerfulness go away. Nevertheless, my optimistic ego always took over and I think that was one of the reasons (if not the main reason) of my quite effective survival, however scarred but with quite happy ending. I don’t have what I wanted, I have less than most of my peers, but I think, I have enough to stay positive. Once I have that much, nothing is going to stop me trying to get more. Today I believe in something that I wouldn’t dare to believe even 10 years ago – that I am entitled to everything that all others are entitled to. You might think, it is nothing new and you knew about it since always. I didn’t though, I discovered this truth at the age 40 and I am going to pursue my dreams from now on.
You guys must remember that no matter what life brings onto you, you ALWAYS have a choice whether let it bring you down or free you. I chose the second path, I fought and I am now winning. I hope that some people, who just reached the life’s T-junction, will take the right turn and follow my path – the path to triumph and pride. Remember, the life is like a real road. The smooth one is muddy and slippery. Easy to fall over and get dirty. The right path is rough, but once you trip over one obstacle, you will watch out for others and soon you will learn how to avoid them all. You might even learn how to remove them out of your way totally. I like a say:
What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger
It always worked for me and I believe it will work for everyone who will fight their fears and face challenges instead of avoiding them. Life is the greatest University and your grades depend on how hard you work to understand it.
Photo by Nina Uhlíková on Pexels.com
Comments